Monthly Archives: June 2012


the clouds are lifting.

not only that i have also discovered options on how to make posting to the blog auto-post to facecrook.

let’s see if it works.

today went as follows :

– took mk2 to school.

– ironing

– watered indoor plants. no need for outdoor green freaks to be given any extra.

– dishwasher repair bloke turned up for his annual visit.

basically when we had the kitchen put in we stumped for an inbuilt hotpoint.
despite the fact it often resulted in me having to redo half the dishes again, all was relatively ok for a few years, then the fun started.
the buttons that you press to kick it into action stopped working.
so, we had a choice, replace or go for a service agreement.
we decided upon the latter of the options.
now the poor buggers have been out every year to try and resolve this recurring problem.
last year the engineer decided enough was enough and stripped the whole unit down and rebuilt it, with masses of extra glue and gubbins to make sure that the buttons worked.
well, of course, as expected, earlier this week, they jammed up again.
i placed the call, and the same engineer arrives to resounding ‘go on then, do your best’ attitude from yours truly.
after he opened it up, and fiddled about while grumbling, i just suggested that for once they replace the whole f*cking thing.
and lo’ he had a think, checked the history, and that’s what is going to happen.
not the whole dishwasher, but the computer card/buttons part of the beast.
i have a few weeks of an extra manual chore while the parts are put on order, but like ironing, it’s one chore i genuinely don’t mind doing, so it’s not a big deal.
in fact the fun part is waiting for the machine to fail again.

– school related paperwork. a whole new world of paperwork demands have become very much noticed as being honest this was something bh sorted out.

– postal service returned some bh related paperwork. have i broken the back of that particular part of the chaos ? it would appear so.

– dug out an old marshall law graphic novel.

following a response to yesterday misery addled rant, i did wonder about digging out my sandman archive (original prints of every single issue dontcha know !), but decided that it’s probably a little too emo for me at the moment, and so chose hardcore ultraviolence and biting satire as that should put a smile on my face. ahem.

– 20 km on exercise bike + shower

– walked mk2 home from school

now i’m contemplating the evening.

last night i watched ‘wolf creek’, a particularly unpleasant torture porn film re some kids getting diced and sliced in the autralian outback, and so, should i follow this up with ‘the last house on the left’, or head to the pub.

given that this weekend me and the boys are supposedly camping up on the hills and there may be a drink or two involved, i suspect it would be best if i behave.
still, the sun is now shining, and i have a live in baby sitter tonight.

oh, and for all you foxy folks out there, unfortunately, the bunny killing gang have not made another appearance.
i live in hope though.

soundtrack : pete namlook/bill laswell/jonah sharp/testu inoue, kidz in the hall, eine kleine nacht musik, kris ife.



a good day spoilt by a bad mood.

– walked mk2 to school.

– advised dentist to take bh off their books and make an appointment for me due to a reoccurring old problem that’s got a lot worse in recent times.

– sorted out laundry.

– 22km on exercise bike + shower.

– read neil gaimans ‘miracle man : the golden age’.

– sorted out car insurance re bh.

– sorted out car related paperwork.

– received all the documents back (marriage, birth, death etc .. ).

– walked mk2 home from school.

– fed monsters.

– goal practise for mk2.

– avoided facecrook all day

i can’t put my finger on what’s going on but the last few days have been heavy going.

dark moods and a dour demeanour mean that for all the bonus points and good things that are happening i seem to be unable to get any enjoyment out of anything.
the world feels to be at a distance from me, and the worst part of this i don’t care.
i feel i am withdrawing, yet there is currently little desire to stop it.

part of this withdrawal process has been the realisation that in recent weeks my interaction with facecrook has increased quite dramatically.
prior to the last few weeks i only really used facecrook in order to check up on a few music related connections, as the whole purpose for me revolved around ireallylovemusic.
then following the death of bh, it quickly became quite clear that i was missing out on a source of localised social interaction, so i started connecting with friends who live within my countryside idyll.

this catapulted me into all manner of new and fun situations, with my social circle expanding way beyond my expectations.
which is all great and special.

however, i have come to realise how easy it is to loose hours a day idling away in front of facecrook.
now for those who do their thing via a smartphone while waiting for the queue at tesco to disappear, or, while en route to some far flung corner of the world, then i can now totally see the attraction, however, for me, it involves sitting in the kitchen and doing the stuff via a laptop, and before you know it, it’s school pickup time, and i have wasted 3 hours of my life looking at pictures of cats.

time i could be writing stuff down on the blog is instead used up by surfing around various lists trying to find that all elusive connection that i clearly need.
not only that, but by watching the status’s of all and sundry, i then began to feel that life and the world was passing me by.
why wasn’t i out at a festival, or watching some cool art show.
why was i doing the ironing instead of looking for a pair of nasty dayglo trainers.
and that’s when it hit me.
the site is quite literally a cyber vampire. sucking the life out of me.

whereas the art of blogging has become quite therapeutic for me, facecrook is the antithesis of that process.
blogging clears the mind, whereas facecrook clutters the mind and fills my head with unwanted noise.
now, don’t get me wrong, in regards to the benefits of my newly extended social circles, i will indeed still be scouring the various updates and such, just that from hereon i intend to pull back from the brink and limit the time i waste.
i mean today i read a book.
not that book i’ll have you know (seriously, anyone would think there is only one book out there at the moment .. ), and not a real book to be honest, but a wonderful graphic novel written by neil gaiman.
a world of miracles, beautiful art, and stories that stretch the boundaries.
i originally read it over 10 years ago and wasn’t overly impressed, yet today i thought it a wonderful way to spend a couple of hours perfectly soundtrack’d by the golden era of fax records.
the underground ambient record label run by pete namlook, another pleasure that i have not enjoyed in nearly 20 years (basically in 1994 i listened to fax releases and little else).

tomorrow i intend to dive into the archives and find more stuff to kickstart the eyes as hidden away are all manner of visual stimuli, in other words, my long forgotten comic book collection is due for a dust down.

i can’t wait : which is an emotion i’ve missed out on for a long time.

soundtrack : the ambient cookbook : various artists, pete namlook, atom heart.


today has been a bad day.

there is no denying it but this week my head is all mashed up with various emotions, but still, there are things that happen that just make you realise how special things can be.

in the field behind ireallylovemusic hq are a few cows, and a lot of rabbits.

however, this evening was a little different.

about an hour ago in the top corner of the field that we have a very limited view of, i happened to spot three foxes enjoying the last rays of sunshine.

not of the skinny urban variety that i used to disturb en route home after the clubs were closed, but glorious creatures.

it appeared to be a mother with her two cubs playing in the sunshine.

we watched for a few minutes, after which the cubs ran into the woods giving the mother fox a few minutes respite.

then as she decided to follow the cubs, she leaned down and picked up a dead rabbit.

the field must be their equivalent of a local takeaway.

i’ve heard them for years at night and suspect that they have ventured into the garden here due to damage to the lawns, but never have i seen such a beautiful creature like that so relaxed in daylight.

was rather special.

soundtrack : foetus.


after a few days of manic activity (reggae night at the local pub on friday being a particular highlight !) today became a weird one.

– took mk2 to school.

– did the big weekly shop.

– searched/thought/searched/thought some more/selected/thought some more/bought a present for one of mk2 best friends upcoming birthday present.

– washed the mountain of homegrown rhubarb.

– reduced the rhubarb down for future crumbles !

– found old butter container in which to put the rhubarb, and spotted a bh handwritten label on lid : ‘rhubarb mush 2010’.

– had large emotional wobble as it underlined all that i miss about bh.

– picked up mk2, fed mk2.

– drank a bottle of red.

note 1 : i cannot deny that in recent weeks i have become somewhat paranoid re my alcohol consumption. however, i have decided that this is a demon i can fight another day.

note 2 : in recent days i went for my second round of bereavement counselling, and am finding just saying certain aspects i am struggling with out aloud to be very useful, but as to just what i am wanting out of the sessions i do not yet know.

soundtrack : on-u sound dubplates, john tejada, samin, nextmen vs trojan records.


today is the day that mk2 hit 9 years of age.

naturally such a day is tinged with sadness, but still, so far it has been rather good with all manner of positive emotions.

– sorted out birthday excess for mk2 including posting the glorious visual results on facebook/google +.

sometimes there is nothing more enjoyable than seeing a child in total joy while opening presents, and today i think i achieved that goal (pun intended).

– vacuumed house.

– dusted house.

– 20km on exercise bike + shower

– washed/dried/ironed bedding for mk1 and mk2.

– 2 hours of paperwork.

– walked to post office – posted paperwork.

– walked to school to collect mk2.

now all we need is for the football to go the way we want, the mk2 will have had an almost perfect day.

let’s see what happens.

soundtrack : simple minds – the recent 5x boxset. highly recommended.


todays highs and low.

low :

– mk2 and his unexpected vomit session last night meaning all todays plans were thrown into dissarry.

highs :

– 20km on exercise bike.
– ironing.
– company throughout the day in the form of a rundown mk2.
– emergency dash to collect a stranded friend from cam/dursley train station
– a friend who was also a work colleague of bh dropping off the report that took bh years to complete.

[the fact it is her own copy with her handwritten signature on the front kicked off the emotions .. but still its an amazing piece of work that was her passion for so many years, and so having a copy for the archives is very important for me, and one day will be of value for the boys ]

– mk1 decided not to go to sleepover, and come home and watch the match with me and mk2.

2nd day in row : no paperwork !

soundtrack : ps3, lo-fidelity allstars, the seeds, the byrds, on-u sound, the dragons.


today was a strange one.

– walked mk2 to school.

– due to the relentess onslaught of rain in the last few weeks meant that today i had to face the big tick box i have been avoiding for weeks.

the irregular presence of sunshine from time to time inbetween the recent downpours meant that the various hedges and green things scattered about the grounds have been expanding beyond all control.
ending up with them teasing and laughing at me everytime i venture outside.
so, given that today was supposedly the one day in which there was to be a lack of rain i had to face the beasts.
thus i spent 3 hours making the grounds of ireallylovemusic hq more respectable.
however, while brandishing my cheap-n-cheerful (read as ‘cr*p’) hedge trimmer i realised that there would be no-one but me to appreciate the effort, ending up with a severe dip in mood.
the fact is that whenever i used to perform this task before my reward would be a lovely home cooked meal with bh, and lots of ‘wow, it looks so much better’ kind of love, thereby making the whole ballache chore a lot more bearable.
the fact that i quite literally hate the hedge(s) with a deep passion meant that the task really is at the bottom of my list of ways to spend a lovely sunny morning.
still, i got it done.
yay, go me.

– took the cuttings/recycling stuff to the tip.

– did quick 20km on exercise bike + shower.

– walked mk2 back from school.

– fed monsters.

important note : no paperwork/admin.

think today was the first day i genuinely have no admin to do.
no doubt this will change when the post arrives tomorrow, but still, one day off.

soundtrack : the muthafuggin’ hedge trimmer, the byrds (still getting through the 11 album boxset !) , the seeds.