Monthly Archives: July 2012


not a lot to report about yesterday other than for an hour i ended up in the rolling green grass (real grass !) grounds of an a banks ex-chairman.

having lived in the outer regions of the cotwolds for many years now, i have heard rumours of such places hidden away in the hills, but i clearly do not mix in the right social circles as i have yet to receive an invitation to such a place.

anyway, i was bored yesterday, so offered my services re digging holes for a gardener friend.

15 minutes later i was stood in one of the most spectacular locations i ever been witness too.

in order to protect my source, i wont go into exact details, but the owner is the ex chairman of an international bank, and rarely stays at this place, due to having a villa in france.

despite the open air pool and croquet lawn, it’s clearly a total waste of perfection.

oh, how the 1% live. we should not mock them, but show them pity.

as for today.

well, in stark contrast, the most exciting aspect of the day was that today my little town joined the new world in regards to recycling.

oh yes people, we now have wheelie bins.

and i along with a few others were joyous with this minor progression.

after all, it means no more trips to the tip displaying our love to all and sundry our love for boxed red wine and sugar coated breakfast cereals.

but if that were all, then surely that would be enough excitement for one day ?

if only.

today also happened to be the day that i got the muthafuggin’ dishwasher fixed (see previous post for detail).

well for a few months that is.

as the engineer left, i purposely said : thanks very much, see you again soon .. ‘

no doubt the point was missed.

thank the lord for blogs so that such nuggets are documented for posterity.

soundtrack : ministry, nine inch nails, kmfdm, front 242, marilyn manson, young gods.



a new day brings a new mood.

– ironing

– sorted out lunch for mk2.

– watched a few minutes of grand prix. got bored.

– prep’d food so could watch tennis.

– watched tennis until it became clear as to the outcome so decided to make the most of the appearance of the sunshine, and cut the green stuff that pretends to be grass.

– fed monsters + friend.

– cleared up etc.

– 20km on exercise bike + shower.

i’m now looking forward to a glass of red and seeing as i am in a relativity upbeat mood, it feels about time to watch wallander.

soundtrack : iggy and the stooges, t-rex, ministry.

07/07/12 pt2

well, i didn’t expect to be doing this again.

so there i am.
food all prep’d up, and glass of wine in hand ready for some quality time with mk1 and mk2.
i get a txt to say that mk2 will be staying at his friends for tea. well, that’s fine, he will be having a great time.
i’ll just relax and have a pleasant chat with mk1.
so, i go upstairs to tell mk1 that food will be ready soon.
he’s not in his room.
must be on the ps3.
back into his room.
he is passed out in bed.
joyous. f*ckin’ sleepover excess.
one area of parenting that i never expected was the post sleepover fallout.
teenkids in such a state that for 3 days after a sleepover (an oxymoron if ever there was one) they are unable to operate on any level.
i wake up mk1 and advise re food.
i get food sorted.
mk1 comes down.
i ask if he’s hungry (a general state of affairs to be honest) : ‘yup .. ‘
after 4 mouthfuls : ‘i’ve had enough’.
so, given my meltdown earlier today re feeding the kids, it kicked off all manner of dark emotions, followed of course by a massive dose of guilt and regret.

beans on toast it is for tomorrow then.

as i said, i just knew today was going to be a bad’un.


– laundry.

– vacuumed the kitchen.

– fed mk2.

– took mk2 to friends.

– bought food.

– read mk1s school report.

– 20km on exercise bike + shower.

– prep’d the sauce for tonights meal.

– glass of wine now in hand.

good days. bad days.
as soon as i woke up i knew today was going to be a bad’un.
basically, in that state between sleep and being fully awake, i was back at the hospice reliving certain emotions and heartache, revisiting the last moment of bh’s lucidity.
at the time i did not know that it was to be the last time she was lucid, and so was very casual in my response.
i guess this is how it will go.
a few days of positive funk only to then head into a full on crash.
no triggers as such, just a pervading mood throughout the day which i have been unable to shift.

so much so, that i clearly was of concern to one happy shopper this afternoon as i looked at the racks and just drifted off into a 1000 yard stare, 60 second flow of ‘what the f*ck do i f*ckin’ feed the f*ckin’ kids tomorrow’ kind of trance while i experienced one of those moments of ‘is-this-it’ clarity.

then later on, reading the school report for mk1 brought out a massive wobble.
the words of support and encouragement from his teachers made me realise just how lucky we all are with our various support networks.
knowing that bh would have gushed with pride and have been very proud of mk1s ongoing academic achievements of course helps, but damn, there are times that this shit hurts.

hence the 20km session as i suspect that kick starting a blood pump alleviates certain moods.

well that was the theory.

that and a glass of wine.

soundtrack : smashing pumpkins, the black crowes, the lords of alamont, the cramps


a day off from the chores and usual stuff, meaning that there is nothing to report really other than the fact that guitars and noise are the main factor at ireallylovemusic hq.

something that has not happened in a long time.

in fact so much so, that for the first time in ages i have updated ireallylovemusic.

day by day ..




– despite the usual protests walked mk2 to school (today being the one day whereby we managed to catch some sunshine)

– ironing

– empty/scrub/clean/bleach the kitchen sink cupboard.

– time to tidy both myself and house up. so blade #1, 20km on exercise bike, shower.

– excavated hidden corners of the archive to digitize.

– session #3 at bereavement counselling.

– mad dash home (well, as mad as can be done on windy roads when behind a sightsee’ing couple in their pristine 1972 allegro).

– walked mk2 home.

– fed monsters. cleared up after monsters.

– picked strawberries.

– thought about cutting the green stuff that pretends to be grass/moss/weeds, but in the end decided to keep thinking about it until next week.

read school report for mk2 and realised how lucky i am.

however, mk1 has yet to allow me to read his.

time for a glass of wine.

soundtrack : bobbie gentry, johnny rivers, lady gaga, the vacation, the black velvets, holy ghost revival, urge overkill.


today went a little like this :

– 3 hour round trip to bank (phone folks could not help so had to head to a real over the counter branch)

– vacuumed downstairs

– fed monsters

– installed dj software on old laptop.

– 80gb digital archive ported over and connected up and sync’d to the dj software.

– linked up the laptop to the stereo.
– spent the evening setting up a 3 hour mix of psych/latin/soul/disco/reggae from 60s and 70s that digs into all manner of weird corners of the archive.

sounds brilliant, and more importantly was lots of fun.