heavy times.

5 weeks flying solo with a bouncy 9 year old is sometimes seriously hard f*cking work.

i realise only too well i am being a ‘bad dad’, but following last weeks ‘task’ and dark emotional intensity, i am finding it very hard to get any enjoyment out of constant (and i mean constant) nonsensical updates re stuff that i have little interest in, which of course then leads to big doses of guilt and more black moods.

for those of you with small people who can go off into a corner and entertain themselves for any length of time, then you have no idea as to the stress having kids who refuse to do anything beyond playstation or tv, without parental involvement can induce.

oh, and this is all a case of deja vu, as mk1 was, until he took to his lair never to venture out for anything but food, exactly the same.

10 long years of : ‘daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy …. ‘ is beginning to really take its toll on my inner being.

i wish i could connect with mk2 better, but i’m currently struggling to deal with him on any other level but patience testing endurance.

and to say this weather doesn’t help is putting it mildly, as mk2 is literally bouncing off the walls.

i know i should be more involved and active, but my head is in a dark space at the moment, and any involvement with the outside world is currently very unappealing.

still, only one more week to go.

todays recipe :

– walked into town to pick up some stuff.

– 20km on the exercise bike.

– popcorn + transformers.

– food.

soundtrack : mcalmont and butler


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