Monthly Archives: October 2013

24/10/13

the forthcoming half term + inset days means i have an extended period out of the office, but despite that, the big one for me is the realisation that this weekend marks the 18th month since the passing of bh.
18 months.
one and half years.
548 days.
while that seems a long time to most, for me, the time gone feels like nothing. there are days when the dark times still haunt me, but those are few and far between.
in fact the biggest groove is that bh still appears in my dreams on a regular basis.
sometimes this is an upsetting experience, but quite often such a dream means i wake up with a smile on my face.
that said, i have been suffering a blue mood of late.
i think this is due to the onset of the long dark nights.
the darkness is when i really begin to miss my cuddlesome bh. the sofa and bed feel awfully empty and lonely.
still, all i have to do, is hang out with the lads for a while and such concerns evaporate, albeit temporarily.
both of them are finding their paths through life with a natural calm (charm?) and ease that never ceases to amaze me,
mk1 did well in his recent gcse exams, and is thriving and positively vibed about his ongoing a-level demands.
mk2 passed the entrance exam for the school that mk1 is in, thereby proving the two lads are very much in line with the academic groove of bh.
which makes me a very happy man as i suspect bh would be chuffed to bits with their successes.
so why the deepening mood ?
well, a mix of underlying emo chaos, the increasing awareness of how much i miss bh, the never ending demands as a single dad, and the need to be in control 24/7.
to be honest though i have no idea.
especially after 18 months.
normally the crutch in such times would be provided via my love of sonic excess (and booze of course!), but i can’t deny that such pleasures have dissipated of late.
the fact is that in 2013 i have completely disconnected from the music of today. hence the relative silence of ireallylovemusic, which in itself has become a concern.
ever since i came up with the sites name and style in july 2000, i have never looked back.
the simple design, the no advert approach always appealed to my outsider status. the sheer no-compromise approach meant that if i wrote something it was from a voice of truth as opposed to an advertisers promotion.
naturally, over the years the site has morphed and changed according to my needs and listening habits.
and, the bottom line is that i think it’s time it changed agan, but that’s a whole different chunk of words for the ireallylovemusic blog as i try and re-establish the direction of ireallylovemusic from hereon ..
onwards
mark e
ireallylovemusic

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